Memorial donations in lieu of flowers allow mourners to honor someone’s life by contributing to a cause that mattered to them. The process is straightforward: the family chooses a charity, requests donations instead of floral arrangements, and provides the information in the obituary or on the funeral order of service. Donors give directly to the charity, note that the gift is in memory of the deceased, and the family typically receives a list of donors from the organization.
Why Do Families Choose Donations Instead of Flowers?
Flowers are a meaningful and long-standing way to express sympathy, but they fade within days. A donation in memory of someone creates something that lasts: a gift that advances a cause the deceased cared about, in their name, long after the service has ended.
For families managing the logistics of a large service, flowers also present practical challenges. A funeral home filled with dozens of floral arrangements requires significant time and effort to manage, transport, and dispose of. Many families find that redirecting those expressions of care toward a specific cause feels more purposeful and more personal.
The National Funeral Directors Association notes that requests for memorial donations in lieu of flowers have grown considerably over the past decade, reflecting a broader shift toward personalized funeral practices that reflect the specific interests and values of the deceased.
How Do You Request Memorial Donations in an Obituary or Notice?
The standard phrasing is brief and clear. Etiquette guidance from EmilyPost.com recommends that families include the full name of the charity, its website, and optionally a mailing address for those who prefer to send a check. The request should always be framed as an invitation rather than an obligation.
Standard in lieu of flowers wording options include:
Simple Direct Request
“In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to [Organization Name]. Donations may be made at [website] or mailed to [address].”
Best for: Families who want a clean, neutral request that places no emotional pressure on attendees.
Why it works: Clear, specific language removes ambiguity and makes it easy for well-wishers to act without needing to research the charity themselves.
Connecting the Cause to the Person
“[Name] was passionate about [cause]. In her memory, the family welcomes donations to [Organization Name] at [website].”
Best for: Families who want the donation request to feel personal and grounded in who the person was.
Why it works: When donors understand why a specific organization was chosen, the act of giving feels like a connection to the deceased rather than an administrative transaction.
Funeral Flower Alternatives When No Single Charity Is Named
“In lieu of flowers, the family suggests a contribution to the charity of your choice in [Name]’s memory.”
Best for: Families who cannot agree on a single organization, or where the deceased had many causes they supported.
Why it works: This approach removes barriers for donors who may already support a related organization and prefer to give there.
What Should You Write When Making a Donation in Memory of Someone?
Most charities have an online donation form with a field for tribute information. In that field, write the full name of the person being honored, their dates, and optionally a brief note: “In memory of [Full Name], beloved father and grandfather.”
If donating by check, write “In memory of [Name]” in the memo line and include a brief cover letter with the same information. Many charities will send a letter to the family acknowledging the donation without disclosing the amount. The family receives a record of who gave without seeing individual gift sizes, which preserves dignity for all involved.
Emily Post etiquette guidance is clear on one point: the acknowledgment letter from the family to the donor should be handwritten when possible and sent within a few weeks of the funeral. The letter thanks the donor for their kindness without referencing the amount of the gift.
What Types of Charities Are Most Often Chosen for Memorial Donations?
The most meaningful choice is always the organization most closely connected to the person’s life. Common categories include:
Medical Research or Disease Organizations
When someone dies after a prolonged illness, many families choose an organization dedicated to research or patient support for that condition. These donations carry particular resonance because they directly address what took the person’s life.
Best for: Families where the cause of death was a specific disease and the deceased expressed a wish to help others in the same situation.
Why it works: The connection between the person’s experience and the charity’s mission is immediately clear to donors, making the gift feel purposeful rather than generic.
Hospice and Palliative Care Organizations
Families who received significant support from hospice services often choose to give back to the organization that cared for their loved one. The Hospice Foundation of America accepts memorial donations and directs them toward education and support programs for caregivers and bereaved families.
Best for: Families where hospice care played a significant role in the final weeks or months of life.
Why it works: Donors who knew the deceased understand the direct connection, and the gift supports an organization that provided real comfort during a difficult time.
Arts, Education, and Community Organizations
For people who were deeply involved in their community, a local arts organization, library, school, or civic group often holds as much meaning as a national charity. These donations create a direct legacy in the community the person helped build.
Best for: People with strong local ties who were known for specific community contributions.
Why it works: Local organizations are often genuinely moved by memorial gifts and may establish something permanent in the person’s name, a reading room, a scholarship, a named program.
Environmental and Animal Welfare Organizations
For people who had strong connections to nature, wildlife, or animals, these organizations provide a meaningful outlet for memorial giving. The cause reflects something the deceased cared about during their life.
Best for: Individuals known for their love of animals, their environmental advocacy, or their time spent outdoors.
Why it works: The alignment between the person’s values and the charity’s mission signals to donors that this is a specific and considered choice, not a default option.
See also: Memorial Gift Ideas for Grieving Families
What Is the Etiquette for Acknowledging Memorial Donations?
The family’s responsibility is to acknowledge every donation with a personal note. Etiquette guidance from Emily Post is consistent on this point: a handwritten note, however brief, is the appropriate response. A printed card with a personal line added by hand is acceptable when the volume of donations is large.
The note should acknowledge that a donation was made, express genuine gratitude, and say something specific about what the charity meant to the person being honored. It does not need to mention the amount. The family’s role is to receive the gesture with warmth, not to evaluate it.
For families receiving a large number of donations, the charity itself will typically send a list of donors within several weeks of the service. This list becomes the basis for the family’s acknowledgment notes.
See also: What to Send a Grieving Family
How Should Donors Respond When a Family Requests Donations in Lieu of Flowers?
Give directly to the named organization using the contact information provided in the obituary or service program. If giving online, complete the tribute information field so the family receives acknowledgment. If the family did not name a specific charity, a donation to a hospice organization, grief support program, or cause you know was meaningful to the deceased is always appropriate.
It is also entirely appropriate to send flowers and make a donation. The in lieu of flowers wording is an invitation, not a prohibition. Emily Post notes that a small personal gesture alongside a donation, a card, a homemade food item, or a letter with a specific memory of the person, is never unwelcome.
Some mourners who want to give something beyond a financial contribution find that a group video tribute, collecting and sharing video messages from people who knew the deceased, provides the family with something equally meaningful. Tribute makes this easy: contributors record from any device with no app needed, and the result is a memorial that the family can watch, share, and keep. Tribute (tribute.co) is a group video gift platform that lets you collect personal video messages from friends, family, and community into a polished memorial montage, free to start.
See also: Ways to Keep a Loved One’s Memory Alive
Can You Establish a Named Fund or Scholarship as a Memorial?
Many organizations, particularly community foundations, universities, libraries, and arts institutions, will work with families to establish a named fund or scholarship that can receive ongoing memorial donations. This is a significant undertaking and typically requires a minimum gift to establish, but it creates a lasting, named legacy that can grow over years.
For families interested in this option, contacting the organization directly within the first few weeks after the death gives the most flexibility. Some organizations will allow a fund to be announced in the obituary with the understanding that the formal establishment will follow. This approach works well when the deceased had a clear connection to the organization during their lifetime.
See also: How to Honor the Memory of a Loved One
Frequently Asked Questions About Memorial Donations in Lieu of Flowers
What does “in lieu of flowers” mean?
“In lieu of flowers” is a phrase used in obituaries and funeral notices to indicate that the family prefers charitable donations as an expression of sympathy rather than floral arrangements. It is an invitation for mourners to redirect the funds they might have spent on flowers toward a cause that was meaningful to the deceased.
What is the proper wording for a memorial donation request?
Standard wording is: “In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to [Organization Name] at [website].” For a more personal tone, add a brief sentence explaining why that charity was chosen: “[Name] cared deeply about [cause], and contributions in her memory will support that work.” The key is clarity about where to give and how.
What is memorial donation etiquette for donors?
Give directly to the named charity, complete the tribute information field with the deceased’s full name, and keep a record of the transaction. The family will receive a donor list from the organization, so your contribution will be acknowledged. A brief personal note to the family alongside the donation is always a kind addition.
How does a donation in memory of someone work?
You give to the designated charity through their standard donation process, noting in the tribute or dedication field that the gift is in memory of a specific person. The charity logs this information and sends a tax receipt to you and an acknowledgment letter to the family. The amount of the gift is generally not disclosed to the family.
What are good funeral flower alternatives?
Memorial donations are the most common alternative to flowers. Other options include contributing to a group video tribute that the family can keep, sending a homemade food item, writing out a specific memory of the deceased to share with the family, or contributing to a named scholarship or fund if the family has established one.
How do you acknowledge memorial donations as a family?
Send a brief handwritten note to each donor thanking them for their contribution and sharing something personal about why that charity mattered to the person being honored. The note does not need to mention the amount. The acknowledgment should be sent within a few weeks of the service, though most people understand when circumstances cause a delay.
Can you give both flowers and a donation?
Yes. In lieu of flowers wording is an invitation, not a rule. A small personal floral arrangement alongside a charitable donation is entirely appropriate. Many people choose to send flowers to the family home after the service, when they are less likely to add to the logistical burden of the funeral day itself.
A Thoughtful Way to Honor a Life That Mattered
Memorial donations in lieu of flowers transform a moment of loss into a lasting contribution to the things a person cared about most. The process is simpler than most families expect: choose a charity, provide the information clearly, and let the people who loved them do the rest.
Unlike floral arrangements, which are beautiful for a short time, a donation in memory of someone creates something that continues. Unlike a generic condolence, a gift aligned with a person’s passions tells the family that others understood who their loved one truly was.
For families who want to gather something that lasts even longer, shared stories and video messages from across a community become a memorial that no donation list can replicate.
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